The Accountant (2016)

After a long hiatus from blogging for my "I'm a Movie Buff" blogspot, I thought I'd review The Accountant. There are a few reasons for this.

1. I watch too many TV shows and movies. So, my opinion must matter ;) 
2. I was home alone and had to make the most of it. 
3. I took the trouble of going solo to the movie and it was a complete let down. I can stop other's from rushing to the theatre with this blog.

I landed at the theatre, on time, after shopping for some beauty products and being coaxed into wearing cat-eye makeup at Health & Glow. I sat down with a comforting tub of Caramel Popcorn (I had vowed to never let malls fleece me by selling me popcorn at ridiculous prices but that went down the drain when I saw popcorn). My neighbours were two separate groups of men. I avoided peeking at them to avoid eye contact. Very few people go to the movies by themselves. I wonder why that is. It is so enjoyable. No need to share your food and drink or make intelligent comments about the movie. I can do that later when I blog,

The movie started off promising to be a thought-provoking story about an autistic boy who had special skills but slowly it made Ben Affleck's character (Wolff) too heavy ...autism, ex-military, crazy mathematician (who scribbles on walls), deviously brilliant accountant for innocent citizens & drug cartels who need to evade tax or bury money, vigilante with super-human combat skills, a convict, etc. There were flashbacks of his father, his brother, his time at an institute for special kids and a maximum-security prison. The goal was that it would somehow explain Wolff. Throughout the movie, I wondered where his brother is now and who the computerized voice-on-the-phone is. I silently prayed that Wolff wasn't a computer genius as well and that he had not created some Artificial Intelligence to have dynamic conversations with him. I'd have felt like a loser if he was that too. Meanwhile, there's the Treasury department looking for the mysterious Accountant because he is consistently seen with all the bad guys. There's also another present-day story where Wolff is asked to investigate some lousy numbers at Living Robotics and he meets Anna Kendrick. Her character is nothing unusual. It's just Anna Kendrick being what she is usually like in all her movies. High pitched. Look, I'm getting a little tired explaining all this. So, I'll cut short.  
**Spoiler alert** In the end, Wolff discovers that his brother is the one trying to assassinate him and the Voice is the autistic girl at the institute for special children, the one who has no social skills and is always in panic, but is a genious (she too?) with a super-computer. The narrator tried to say something very profound at the end (to compensate for the madness that he led us into)... something about "our understanding of what normal is". The audience and I did manage to laugh a little at some dry jokes because that was our only hope for paisa-vasool.

My final verdict. Wait for it to show up on Netflix or whatever your content source is.

Krrish 3

Well, I'm not sure if it was the overdose of Caramel in my popcorn or if it was this all-in-one, Super-hero concoction, but I felt a little drained after spending 2+ hours at the theatre. My time would have been better spent with an over-heated macbook on my lap and playing reruns of random TV shows (like Veronica Mars). However, I ended up chaperoning 5 kids and one adult to the first-day-first-show of Krrish 3. Now, I'm glad I fast-tracked to part-3 of the franchise and missed it's prequels, Krrish 1 & 2. In case you're wondering, you can too and you'll still get it... that there's nothing to get! There was some hint of a Krrish 4 but I'll keep my finger crossed to the contrary.

Mutant experiments gone bad! That was my first thought as Kaal (Vivek Oberoi) introduced his creations at the beginning of the movie. Kaya (Kangana Ranaut) looked hot in tight suits, yet all of them looked a bit unsure about the supposedly deadly, hot-looking mutants they were portraying. However, Vivek Oberoi convincingly looked and played the part of an evil, eccentric, billionaire with metal-bending powers. Hmmm... Have we seen that before? Why did this billionaire make himself a make-shift metal suit instead of a designer, custom-made outfit? Couldn't he have afforded a better outfit than Krrish who was wrapped in what looked like Black garbage bag? Neither did Kaal bother to cover his man-parts under the armor as my male friend observed and pointed out to me several times. It's really not the way to score with women, man!

All the junk food I stuff myself with could not help me forget that I wasn't supposed to be here and that I would have never given a single thought to buying myself tickets to a movie where Everything is crammed. Like, take it all! Full paisa wasool! Full paisa wasool, my ass!

There's this scene where Krrish rescues a small boy from falling from the top of a building. Instead of bringing the boy down immediately, he perches him up on a window shade (high up and not far down from where he was first dangling) and talks about how "Krrish" exists in all of them. If I were the kid's mom, I'd have knocked Krrish on the head for not bringing my boy straight to me after such a terrible ordeal.

I also wondered this. Why do deadly, female characters in tight spandex stand like this? Unrelaxed and on the edge? Well, it wouldn't be cool to stand like this! 

The whole movie is forgettable. Hrithik Roshan, Priyanka Chopra (who is just phasing between hot-in-tiny-clingy-dress to pregnant-mom-in-fully-covered-chicken-work-kurta or maybe that's what's called "versatile"), Kangana Ranaut (who's evil character "unexpectedly" falls in love with Krishna and who discovers that being good is better appreciated than being bad), all of them, forgettable! Alright, I'm done. I'm not giving any more thought to this movie after this blog.

So, are you gonna see it? Did I make myself clear?

Man of Steel

After a long while, here's a movie review for a movie that inspired me to blog.

I did not know that a man named 'Henry Cavill' existed. And he's the new Super-man. OMG! He's hot! Shame on me. I call myself a 'movie buff' with a capital F and I did not know him on screen.

Man of Steel! When you walk into a super-hero movie, you wonder what's going to be different, this time. You walk out learning that not much is. A super-hero movie is about a man who is handsome, strong(est), different (or weird), noble and all-things-good personified. But, like every ordinary man, he needs love. So, there's a wide-eyed woman whom he must rescue while saving the rest of the world. Ok, that's not ordinary. Doesn't happen in my world. Also, all super-heroes are americans and almost always end up destructing in New York where there are, understandably, several skyscrapers to crash. Good always persists over evil. Civilians are always stupid. Because, they gape while a 100 story-building is coming down on them or when a gigantic space-ship is (obviously) about to open its claws and release very powerful laser into the ground where they stand. What else? Aliens are the weirdest. The suits just get more ridiculous. The technology in their world is way too advanced to be real. The spaceships look like crustaceans.

Scenes I liked...

• There's a scene where, after Super-man hits the sky, a lieutenant is smiling as her commander returns after talking to Super-man. Her commander asks her, 'What are you smiling at?'. She says, 'I was just thinking that Super-man's hot'. I wanted to shout, 'Yeah! Damn right he is'. I didn't have the guts, though. :(
• All the fight sequences which are intense because the super-characters are flying at supersonic speeds, smashing and blasting buildings.
• Diane Lane's character tells her son, Super-man, 'Nice suit, son'. It must hurt a mom's eyes to see a son in (tight) spandex.
• All the scenes where Henry Cavill is in closeup, tall and muscular. Did I tell you, he's hot?

Scenes I don't like...

• All the scenes where Super-man and Lois Lane are looking deep into each other eyes.
• The scene with pods where babies are artificially bred. It reminded me of 'The Matrix'. Not original.
• The scene where Russell Crow flies his personal, pre-historic dragon-thingy. It reminded me of the 'Avatar' movie. Again, not original.
• The scenes where Krypton's bureaucrats, sitting on their ass and wearing ridiculous head-gear, discuss the fate of their planet. This reminded me of 'Star Wars'.
• The scene where Russel Crow's character explains to Super-man, who he is and where he comes from. As if Super-man can't understand English, there's a weird, metallic, simulation of Super-man's legacy playing around them both. As if, we (audience) can't understand English too. 

Despite my abundant sarcasm, I do like super-hero movies. I love Hollywood movies. I love knowing what I'm in for. None other than Hollywood makes me feel as good when I walk out, smiling about all the things I liked and disliked in the movie.

I always come out (from a theater) asking myself these profound questions.

• Why is it necessary to have a love-angle in an action movie? Can a super-hero not survive without a woman by his arms? So, who's the super-hero? He or she?
• Mockery aside, what is it that makes me feel stronger as I walk out? Why do I feel like blowing my chest out and thrusting my fist into something (bad)? What is the movie feeding my brain to release my endorphins.
• Why do they show Chinese and Indians in a scene where aliens send a message to the world? Yeah, I know the answer to that one. 
• Why did I eat so much junk and drink so much Pepsi?

:)

DON 2

Don! It's a very powerful word that depicts a very powerful man. And a very powerful man is a every man's and every woman's fantasy. No wonder that both Don and Don 2 have worked well at the box office. The trick is simply to bring what everyone fantasizes about, to reel. Not to mention that the director, Farhan Akhtar, does whatever he does very well.

I am not an action junkie. So, this movie did not generate excitement within me (except that I am contemplating getting a 'D' tattoo on my arm just like Don). But, it did for all my friends who loved the man, Shah Rukh and all his charming gimmicks (I do too). They even compared Don 2 to Mission Impossible 3 and claimed that the former was better. As for me, I did crush some nachos and pop-corn in my mouth while I watched SRK in Armani suits and Priyanka in fitted tanks and pants. We all watched the six packs on the screen while we had our family packs on our lap. :)

Like most action movie of the crime genre, there is a very elaborate plan to rob something and become even richer. And the plan heavily depends on hacked surveillance and systems information. Is everything really available by clicking on a computer? I tend to think not. The movie continues to show a secret, unfulfilled romance between Don and Roma. So sad! Roma's just wasting her life yearning for a man who is nothing but a myth. Don 2 doesn't fail to throw in some surprises for the audience, some of which we may have figured out though. And you'll get no points for figuring out how the movie ends. After-all, "Don Ko Pakadna Mushkil Nahi...".

Dookudu (2011)

Daring and Dashing. The words are so apt for this young Hero (Mahesh Babu) in a fitting police suit.

Let me tell you about the story first. Shankar Narayan (Prakash Raj) is an idealistic politician in Hyderabad who thinks and does good for his people and the people love him back. But, rival politician and a Mumbai gangster, Nayak (Sonu Sood) plot together and assassinate the good man. Years later, Shankar Narayan's son, Ajay (Mahesh Babu) picks up his father's traits, to become an IPS officer with incredible records. He is just a chip of the old block and much more i.e. daring and dashing. So, he devises his own plots and sub-plots to avenge everyone who was involved in his father's demise. How could an officer from the IPS, devise such fraudulent schemes such as reality shows with third-rate actors is beyond me. But, thats the best plan he could adopt for dramatic politicians and gangsters like the ones in Dookudu. The politicians, gangsters, reality show actors and even the IPS officers give comic relief to the audience amidst the blood and gore. The theatre around me resounded with happy laughter from the funny dialogues and antics of the actors.

The hero, whom my friend recommended was the reason I tagged along with my friends to see the movie. He looked dashing and very casual in checked shirts, which he wore throughout the movie. But, I liked him best when he donned his police suit (towards the very end of the movie), because he is a police man afterall (who is on a secret mission and hence, the fashionable clothing). Mahesh Babu has undergone some transformation from his earlier days! Today he looks better and his styling works because women like bad boys. Just see his before-after pictures on Google images.

The heroine (Samantha Ruth Prabhu), while pretty is only lip gloss to this movie. Her designers made very pretty clothes for her and we all hope to copy them soon. Ofcourse, we'll look only quarter as good as her, with corsets to control the flab and no padding to help us achieve that hour glass figure. :)

The songs, they are meant to be heard and enjoyed in a theatre. The only one that stuck and keeps drumming in my ears is the night-club soundtrack (Puvvai Puvvai) which featured an even more beautiful woman (Parvati Melton) dancing opposite Mahesh Babu. Her google images are not as flattering as her appearance and performance in the song, which I (and many men) enjoyed very much.

The violence is never ending in this very long movie. I waited, not very patiently, for the intermission because I had felt as much tired and beaten as the villains had been. During violent fight sequences, I resorted to covering my eyes and ears with my sticky fingers (they were sticky from eating Nachos, Cheese and Salsa).

Overall, I'd say I enjoyed this movie with my friends. And the rest of the audience loved it much more than I did because I had a disadvantage which others didn't.

This was my first Telugu movie and I don't know the language. :)

Green Lantern (2011)

I love "super hero" movies. They show men in very good light ;)

I had to watch "Green Lantern" because I like Ryan Reynalds. When I found that he had married Scarlette Johannson, I didn't appreciate it. And when I found out that he had indeed divorced her, I was pleased. Ofcourse, I wonder why his marital status should even matter to continue long distance fascination. :)

"Green Lantern" isn't in the same class as other super-hero movies like Superman or Spiderman. It is based on comic book series, "All American Comics". Ryan Reynalds looks awesome and well-toned in the green suit. The story goes like this.

Hero is promising but a loser.
Hero is entrusted with a power that gives him responsibility.
Bad man enters.
Save the world and get the girl.

There you have it, folks. Please judge for yourself whether you want to see it.

Five Fingers (2006)

"Five Fingers" is not a well-known movie. I never heard of it until I read a review of it on the Economic Times. It had a favorable review and good actors such as Lawrence Fishburne and Ryan Phillppe. I can't tell too much about the story because this a suspense thriller and I'll just spoil your movie experience. 

Ryan's character comes to Morocco to assist in a charity food program. He has 1 million dollars from an unknown donor. In Morocco, he is kidnapped and the kidnappers torture him to find out his true identity. To know more about this story, you'll just have to watch it. I'll just say, you'll be surprised. 

I liked it but won't tell you that it was mind-blowing or use any other flattering adjectives. Watch it and tell me about other movies similar to this.